Maybe it's because I have a bajillion essays to write-- and I've only half started all of them... or maybe it's because the one I'm working on now is very thought-provoking... but I feel like writing. I'm writing an essay on "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and even though I've only seen the movie once, it makes so much sense to me. I see the underlying theme plays of Lockean ideas and also those concepts from Neitzsche. I'm contemplating life now. The meaning. I guess every college student does this-- but I seem to do it a lot. I have these lucid moments-- moments where I lose track of myself because I'm floating so deeply in the realm of attempting to understand life. And these lucid moments always occur at night. It's something about the night. I feel at peace.. serene. It's the way the night feels. Maybe it has something to do with there being less people for me to have to worry about and I can actually listen to my thoughts.

But here are the questions I have never been able to answer: What does it mean to live? What does it mean to die?

What does it mean to live.

Well, what does it mean? There are many aspects to living. But I would say one of the most important components is memory. Call that the neuroscientist in me-- but that's that. Besides, I'm studying to be one anyways. But what would life really mean if I didn't have the memories of past experiences? Would I even be able to call myself "River." I wouldn't know what that meant. I'd still have the inherent qualities that make up myself-- the inherent aspects of my nature. Like the fact that I am shy around people I don't know. Or the fact that I love learning. I'd say that's an inherent quality of myself-- it stems from curiousity. And I'm a very curious person by nature-- it's always been that way with me. Even when I was little. I wanted to know. Always wanted to know. And yet I was always so shy about asking.

Anyways, I've gone off on a tangent. I suck at this whole staying on track thing. But then, I go off on tangents a lot. But the more important aspect of that is that I almost always come back to what I was initially talking about. Right then, back to life. Hmm... come to think of it, I'm not sure what I'm really trying to get out of this part. Maybe because I don't know the answer to the question.

I think my major qualm right now is understand a certain male.

Or understanding humanity.

Wow. I really do think too much for my own good. I think.. I shalll write my essay and journal again later.